Changi Beach Park

Two weeks ago, we brought J to Changi Beach Park. J loves this park very much. It is one of the oldest coastal parks in Singapore. What attracted us are the playgrounds and the various sand play area. He did lots of climbing, crawling, pulling and motor planning in the various structures.

Climbing, crawling, pulling and motor planning are involved.
These skills are essential to help in his handwriting.

It is a good place to help J hone his gross motor skills, which in turn, will help in his handwriting.

In order to cross over to the other side, some motor planning
is needed.

Gross motor skills are abilities that allow people to do things that involve using the large muscles in the torso, arms and legs to complete whole-body movements. Gross motor skills is not just about acquiring sports, etc. Many research talks about the relations between gross motor skill and handwriting. You might like to read the relations here.

The structure requires J to put in some effort on how and where he needs to climb.

Strength and Motor Planning Skills

Further down the park, there is another playground that has swing. Swings gently develop muscle strength and fine motor skills. Balancing on the swing seat can strengthen the core. Holding on to the cord or chain of a swing strengthens grip strength and finger coordination - an essential milestone for children learning to write.

Holding on to the cord or chain of a swing
strengthen grip strength and finger coordination.

Another activity in this park: Sand Play. Playing in the sand helps to develop fine motor skills when using a small shovel, digging and pouring into the bucket. Sand play also helps to develop a sense of textures.

Sand Play.

Lastly, at this park, airplanes will fly above us every few minutes and it is great opportunity to see the body of the plane.

Airplanes flew past every few minutes.

There are many activities that can help hone gross motor skills in Changi Beach Park. A very good recommended place to go.

Be Kind!

Last Saturday, 28th Jul 2018, I was taking the lift at Novena MRT station with my 8 mo in the pram and my helper.

And there was a little boy and his helper with him. while waiting for the lift to arrive, the little boy was jumping around and touching the lift door. His helper was using a firm voice "Don't touch the door" and she looked very stressful.

When we were in the lift, the little boy was just turning around to look at the pram and the helper quickly held onto the little boy and said, "There is a baby." My baby was sleeping.

From that little observation, I deduced the boy might be different. And he might be in Autism Spectrum. So I patted his helper on the back and said, "Don't worry!"

And she immediately said, "He is autistic."

I replied, "My son too."

And she was looking at me, seemingly surprised at what I said and she asked to repeat.

So I said, "My son too. And you are doing a great job."

She smiled at me.

Looking after an autistic child is already very challenging. It is draining. On most days, we are being judged, we got scolded for what our child did and we hear lots of negative comments. This would be even harder if the caregiver is not the child's parents but someone else like the maid who has no blood relation with the child and have to love the child like her own.

Hence, having someone to have a pat on the caregiver's back puts a smile on the caregiver. At least the world is still beautiful.

Be kind!

Fixing From Scratch Together

On 15th May 2018, J wanted to play with his police station set. It is a dismantled set kept in a box. On that particular day, he wanted me to fix the set together with him.

How the completed set looks

And this mummy of his is very bad in fixing boy's stuff & building Legos, etc. Looking at how my dear son pleaded with me to fix the set together with him, I obliged.

We opened the box. Gosh! There were some parts I had no idea where it should go. Then J would say, "Mummy, it is over here."

I had a hard time fixing this panel

And when I did it, J would reply, "Good Job!" How amusing!

Throughout the time when we were finding parts and fixing the set, he would use descriptive words and sentences like, "This piece is on the blue surface", "Look at the square... this is over here", "We put this on top", etc. I realise how much he has improved. He is able to describe, though sometimes the description isn't clear and sometimes he may find difficulty in explaining why.

Lastly, when we had to fix the lift in. Yes! That is his favourite part and he wanted to attempt it himself.

Building his Lift.
Loves his seriousness.

It is now time to play. I cherished our interaction moments and proud that he has improved tremendously, in my opinion. I would not have dreamed of these moments 1.5 or 2 years ago.

Tackling Preschool Work

2 weeks ago, on 13th April 2018, we were doing a typical Preschool work involving understanding instructions, cutting the picture out and then pasting the picture into the right box.

Cutting & Pasting Work

When I was looking at the work he did, I realised how much time, sweat and tears we had put on just to accomplish this preschool activity.

For the past 2 years, J has been cutting, pasting, folding and colouring using the 4 Kumon activity books while most of his neurotypical peers were busy recognising words, writing and reading.

Compared to his neurotypical peers, he seemed lagging behind, still doing these stuff, and he is turning 6 soon. But when I looked at how he was able to handle his scissors and glue so much better, I took delight because he is improving. He is still moving on. And most importantly, we never give up!

J can handle his scissors so much better.

This is a little achievement but worth celebrating.

Building with Recycled Items

One Saturday morning, on 10th February 2018, Daddy did an incredulous project with J - Building an apartment using recycled materials such as boxes, containers, ice cream sticks, etc. Of course, this project includes his one main motivation - Lifts.

Daddy guided J in the planning, sourcing of items,
pasting and building

As I was looking at the teamwork between Daddy and J, I witnessed how J participated in this project, I realized that we have come a long, long way. I am so thankful!

He is now willing to participate and accept new ideas, being a team player, J asking for help, interactions between the 2 of them and seeing J being flexible at his best. And he was able to work on his fine motor skills from the cutting of papers, pulling the masking tape and pasting with masking tape. I also see his creative juices running. I literally can see his brain juice churning inside him. This activity helped him to be flexible, to be creative and to think things out of the box.

The Final Structure

But, all these didn't come overnight. It wasn't a natural instinct for J. If we were to do this 1 or 2 years ago, it might have been very challenging. I could remember how hard it was to ask J to say "Help" if he needs help instead of screaming or crying at where he was at. I could remember just 6 months ago, he could not even hold his scissors properly. Just 2 years ago, he would not even build upwards. Just 2.5 years ago, he would not play beyond his 4 train set blocks and 4 big red megablocks. Looking at his interactions with Daddy while building the structure, it involved a number of spontaneous speeches. He was able to say and describe which area he would like to put the parts. Just 2.5 years ago, he was still into 3 words maximum only and echolelia, tjen slowly moved into sentences, 1-loop conversation in 2016, then moved on to 2-loops conversation. His spontaneous speech started only exactly 1 year ago in March 2017. We have indeed come so far!

J happily playing his works

I thank God for the home-based program that we are in. He has improve tremendously. Even though he still need facilitation in peer-to-peer group work, I hope one day, he will be able to work with his peers and while working with them, they would interact together, laugh together and complete the project together.

For now, we celebrate these little achievements!

Building with Lego

J finally started playing with Lego. He has been playing his Duplo (Medium Sized Lego Blocks) for the past 4 years. It has been hard for him to handle Lego because the size is just too small for his hands. He could not "feel" those little blocks with his fingers. Hence, he don't really play them.

He built this structure himself,

with a little help from Daddy.

The amazing thing is he is now willing to build with these small little pieces. Even though he still has some difficulty in putting the little pieces together and pulling these little pieces out. To me, this is an achievement! As compared to the initial years when he did not even want to touch Duplo to just wanting to build with Duplo and now building with Lego. It is indeed an achievement.

J still has some difficulty handling the little pieces.

Taken on 19th Nov 2017. 

Having a Special Needs child, we celebrate every little achievements.

A building with lift.

Lego promotes fine motor skills, creativity, problem solving skills, etc. Fine motor skills helps in writing, which he is still working on. Hopefully, one day, he could also be interested to assemble Lego from instructions, which helps in focus and attention to details.

My Parental Role

On 21 Feb 2018, J can finally manuveur himself all the way to the top, using his back to push himself up at the pole behind to reach the top.

J finally reach the top

I remembered for months, he has been trying to go beyond the highest black pad, to pull himself up the 2 ropes but he could not and he has been asking me to help. As I was pregnant last year, I couldnt climb up to show him how it is done. I just guided him using words and encourage him. And finally, after months of trying & practising the rope, he figure it all out by himself.

Just 3 weeks ago, we were doing some cutting exercises using Kumon activity book, J was able to hold the scissors well.

Loves his seriousness

When he was about to reach the finishing point, he could slow down and stop at where he want to stop.

J can now hold his scissors very well

In the past, he would cut over the finishing point. He has been attempting the different cutting activities for past 2 years and finally, he mastered his cutting skill.

An important lesson here to remind myself always: Let him learn at his own pace.

My job as a parent is not to help him but encourage him and guide him. He can't accomplish a skill today does not equate skills not accomplished in the future. The day he can't accomplish a skill will not go to waste because he is practising that skill. Initially, my heart would cringe because the rope seems too high & because I was pregnant, how am I to climb up and help him?

But, Practise makes perfect. So long as he keeps trying, keeps persevering and not give up, he will get there someday. And one of my role is to help and encourage him to keep trying, to keep persevering and not to give up.

Coping with SN & NB

Today is Week 8 for my newborn, which means it has been 2 months since my delivery in December 2017. Looking at these 2 months, from the first day we brought my newborn home to the current day, it was filled with lots of trying moments. It was challenging to have a child in the Autism Spectrum and a newborn at the same time because both needs attention. I do felt torn apart sometimes.

A newborn brings in lots of changes - There is one new human being in the family. Routines go haywire, emotions go up and down, time go upside down, attention has to be divided between the older child and the baby.

To an only child for past 5 years, focus will not be just on J alone.

To a child in the Autism Spectrum, who loves routines and is rigid, the many changes brings in tons of anxieties because there are lots of unpredictables. Changes that are subtle to a neuro-typical person could mean a 180 degrees change to a person in the Autism Spectrum. It looks as if the whole world has turned upside down. As J is still learning to regulate his emotions, these emotions are real to him. They could be too big for him to manage and bear. J is excited with the new addition in the family. In fact, he was very, very excited but he could not regulate his emotions. The excitement was too much to bear.

Before the delivery of the newborn, we did pre-empting by creating a social story of what is to come and expect. The Social Story even contains pictures of J himself. Yes! He loves this social story because it is very personalized. But, it could not cover all areas.

Social Story for pre-empting what is to

come and expect

When I first came back from the hospital. I had to lock my bedroom door because J was so excited in seeing the newborn. He would hug, kiss and touch her very hard. He would open my bedroom door very loud that it startled the newborn. He would scream at her. He would talk very loud but we let him be because I know it is easier to let the newborn adapt to loud sounds than to keep persuading J to talk softly. True enough, my newborn can sleep in a very noisy environment. Unexpectedly, we are training the newborn to be resilient. During the initial period, we could not put both siblings together but we gradually try to include the newborn's presence, with our supervision, during play and during praise and worship time together. And now, J sometimes is able to embrace his baby sister.

The siblings can now be in each other's presence

These 2 months have been a period of adjustment. I often find myself having difficulty to go back to the pre-delivery routine. There were days I would find myself unable to accomplish my schedule with J. I would feel guilty. Then one day, my friend sent me an article: The Baby IS the Lesson. After reading the article, my perspective changed. Since baby is the lesson, I can let baby be one of the social lesson for J. I began to identify some of the activities, e.g. poem reading, story book, Praise & Worship time, songs, etc that both siblings can do together. This is also to help J learn to share space with another peer, i.e. his baby sister.

At times, J still head pressed very hard on the baby's head or he might hug and squeeze her hard because of his perioceptive dysfunction. Coping with a Special Needs child and a newborn definitely takes much perseverance and many practices. There are also the many sensory issues that we have to work on too. But I believe, it will get better one day. My hope is that the siblings will one day, have very good partnership and they will love and protect each other.