I am just a mom who loves my son, J, deeply. Together with my husband, we live in a small little red dot in South-East Asia called Singapore. I am a protector, a therapist, a teacher, a motivator, a fighter and an advocator, to and for J.
Like every parent, when we first met him in Jun 2012 after 13 hours of labour (after I was declared on labour with a 3 cm dilation), we had high hopes and dreams for him. Nothing could describe our joy and pride when we first saw J. He was so handsome, so vulnerable, so peaceful-looking, so healthy!
J is my first child. I had a smooth and healthy pregnancy, without any nausea or any food cravings. I could eat every food with ease and I had a healthy weight gain of 10.5 kg. Even though weight gain was only 10.5 kg, the foetus was growing developmentally at a healthy rate.
But when J was 2.5 years old in Feb 2015, we found out that J is in the ASD Spectrum. That hope and dreams shattered, seemed to be lost in a whirl. I felt lost and helpless. There were lots of whys and what-ifs. The future seemed a blank. And there was overload of information but nothing specific to my son. Everyday, tears would flow. There seemed no one I could talk to.
However, fast forward today, even though there were days that could be challenging, there were days that, looking at J, when he has sensory challenges, when he has a meltdown, when he behaved the way he behaves, when I encountered nasty remarks from strangers, relatives and even immediate family because of what he did, I felt helpless! Mainly because they might not understand his condition, and why he does things the way he does. The initial period was extremely challenging because I, myself, am learning to also understand his behaviour. Every of his behaviour, was and sometimes, still is a puzzle and a mystery to me. Even though I'm his mum, I might not know how I can help him.
BUT... HAVING J IS A BLESSING FOR ME...
Because of him, we are still blessed by many angels around us, despite people giving us nasty remarks.
Because of him, he opens up a new world to me.
Because of him, I have a new perspective of life.
Because of him, I get to meet other daddies and mummies who are going through the same journey as I, who has a child in the ASD spectrum. These are new friends whom I might not have the opportunity to meet, if not because I have a child who is in the ASD spectrum.
For J, there seems nothing I can do but pray... pray that one day, he will be healed and recovered. I pray for a hope. I pray for a miracle...
This blog is to record my journey with J and in a way, help me to cope with the challenges. It is as if I am talking to someone & letting out my feelings & thoughts & not bottle it up. I also hope that this can be an encouragement to any parent who has a special needs child, like me. And we are not alone.
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