Coping with SN & NB

Today is Week 8 for my newborn, which means it has been 2 months since my delivery in December 2017. Looking at these 2 months, from the first day we brought my newborn home to the current day, it was filled with lots of trying moments. It was challenging to have a child in the Autism Spectrum and a newborn at the same time because both needs attention. I do felt torn apart sometimes.

A newborn brings in lots of changes - There is one new human being in the family. Routines go haywire, emotions go up and down, time go upside down, attention has to be divided between the older child and the baby.

To an only child for past 5 years, focus will not be just on J alone.

To a child in the Autism Spectrum, who loves routines and is rigid, the many changes brings in tons of anxieties because there are lots of unpredictables. Changes that are subtle to a neuro-typical person could mean a 180 degrees change to a person in the Autism Spectrum. It looks as if the whole world has turned upside down. As J is still learning to regulate his emotions, these emotions are real to him. They could be too big for him to manage and bear. J is excited with the new addition in the family. In fact, he was very, very excited but he could not regulate his emotions. The excitement was too much to bear.

Before the delivery of the newborn, we did pre-empting by creating a social story of what is to come and expect. The Social Story even contains pictures of J himself. Yes! He loves this social story because it is very personalized. But, it could not cover all areas.

Social Story for pre-empting what is to

come and expect

When I first came back from the hospital. I had to lock my bedroom door because J was so excited in seeing the newborn. He would hug, kiss and touch her very hard. He would open my bedroom door very loud that it startled the newborn. He would scream at her. He would talk very loud but we let him be because I know it is easier to let the newborn adapt to loud sounds than to keep persuading J to talk softly. True enough, my newborn can sleep in a very noisy environment. Unexpectedly, we are training the newborn to be resilient. During the initial period, we could not put both siblings together but we gradually try to include the newborn's presence, with our supervision, during play and during praise and worship time together. And now, J sometimes is able to embrace his baby sister.

The siblings can now be in each other's presence

These 2 months have been a period of adjustment. I often find myself having difficulty to go back to the pre-delivery routine. There were days I would find myself unable to accomplish my schedule with J. I would feel guilty. Then one day, my friend sent me an article: The Baby IS the Lesson. After reading the article, my perspective changed. Since baby is the lesson, I can let baby be one of the social lesson for J. I began to identify some of the activities, e.g. poem reading, story book, Praise & Worship time, songs, etc that both siblings can do together. This is also to help J learn to share space with another peer, i.e. his baby sister.

At times, J still head pressed very hard on the baby's head or he might hug and squeeze her hard because of his perioceptive dysfunction. Coping with a Special Needs child and a newborn definitely takes much perseverance and many practices. There are also the many sensory issues that we have to work on too. But I believe, it will get better one day. My hope is that the siblings will one day, have very good partnership and they will love and protect each other.