My Parental Role

On 21 Feb 2018, J can finally manuveur himself all the way to the top, using his back to push himself up at the pole behind to reach the top.

J finally reach the top

I remembered for months, he has been trying to go beyond the highest black pad, to pull himself up the 2 ropes but he could not and he has been asking me to help. As I was pregnant last year, I couldnt climb up to show him how it is done. I just guided him using words and encourage him. And finally, after months of trying & practising the rope, he figure it all out by himself.

Just 3 weeks ago, we were doing some cutting exercises using Kumon activity book, J was able to hold the scissors well.

Loves his seriousness

When he was about to reach the finishing point, he could slow down and stop at where he want to stop.

J can now hold his scissors very well

In the past, he would cut over the finishing point. He has been attempting the different cutting activities for past 2 years and finally, he mastered his cutting skill.

An important lesson here to remind myself always: Let him learn at his own pace.

My job as a parent is not to help him but encourage him and guide him. He can't accomplish a skill today does not equate skills not accomplished in the future. The day he can't accomplish a skill will not go to waste because he is practising that skill. Initially, my heart would cringe because the rope seems too high & because I was pregnant, how am I to climb up and help him?

But, Practise makes perfect. So long as he keeps trying, keeps persevering and not give up, he will get there someday. And one of my role is to help and encourage him to keep trying, to keep persevering and not to give up.

Coping with SN & NB

Today is Week 8 for my newborn, which means it has been 2 months since my delivery in December 2017. Looking at these 2 months, from the first day we brought my newborn home to the current day, it was filled with lots of trying moments. It was challenging to have a child in the Autism Spectrum and a newborn at the same time because both needs attention. I do felt torn apart sometimes.

A newborn brings in lots of changes - There is one new human being in the family. Routines go haywire, emotions go up and down, time go upside down, attention has to be divided between the older child and the baby.

To an only child for past 5 years, focus will not be just on J alone.

To a child in the Autism Spectrum, who loves routines and is rigid, the many changes brings in tons of anxieties because there are lots of unpredictables. Changes that are subtle to a neuro-typical person could mean a 180 degrees change to a person in the Autism Spectrum. It looks as if the whole world has turned upside down. As J is still learning to regulate his emotions, these emotions are real to him. They could be too big for him to manage and bear. J is excited with the new addition in the family. In fact, he was very, very excited but he could not regulate his emotions. The excitement was too much to bear.

Before the delivery of the newborn, we did pre-empting by creating a social story of what is to come and expect. The Social Story even contains pictures of J himself. Yes! He loves this social story because it is very personalized. But, it could not cover all areas.

Social Story for pre-empting what is to

come and expect

When I first came back from the hospital. I had to lock my bedroom door because J was so excited in seeing the newborn. He would hug, kiss and touch her very hard. He would open my bedroom door very loud that it startled the newborn. He would scream at her. He would talk very loud but we let him be because I know it is easier to let the newborn adapt to loud sounds than to keep persuading J to talk softly. True enough, my newborn can sleep in a very noisy environment. Unexpectedly, we are training the newborn to be resilient. During the initial period, we could not put both siblings together but we gradually try to include the newborn's presence, with our supervision, during play and during praise and worship time together. And now, J sometimes is able to embrace his baby sister.

The siblings can now be in each other's presence

These 2 months have been a period of adjustment. I often find myself having difficulty to go back to the pre-delivery routine. There were days I would find myself unable to accomplish my schedule with J. I would feel guilty. Then one day, my friend sent me an article: The Baby IS the Lesson. After reading the article, my perspective changed. Since baby is the lesson, I can let baby be one of the social lesson for J. I began to identify some of the activities, e.g. poem reading, story book, Praise & Worship time, songs, etc that both siblings can do together. This is also to help J learn to share space with another peer, i.e. his baby sister.

At times, J still head pressed very hard on the baby's head or he might hug and squeeze her hard because of his perioceptive dysfunction. Coping with a Special Needs child and a newborn definitely takes much perseverance and many practices. There are also the many sensory issues that we have to work on too. But I believe, it will get better one day. My hope is that the siblings will one day, have very good partnership and they will love and protect each other.

God is Faithful!

Praise be to God...

"For you created her inmost being;
You knit her together in my womb.
I praise you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Her frame was not hidden from you
when she was made in the secret place,
when she was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw her unformed body; 
all the days ordained for her were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to us are your thoughts, God!"
- Psalm 139:13-17

Praise the Lord! These verses truly speaks of a beautiful and wonderful creation. These verses have been dancing and singing right in my eyes and heart since we know of her existence in my 2nd month of pregnancy.

2 weeks before Good Friday 2017, as I came out of the toilet, Hubby mentioned that the Lord put in his heart that I will be pregnant and we would least expect it. We did not quite understood what that meant and we put that aside.

Then on 15th Apr 2017, 1 day after Good Friday, after our usual morning Family Devotion, I went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. As I appeared at the kitchen entrance, Hubby suddenly mentioned that he felt the Holy Spirit convicted him that I am pregnant. It will be a girl and her name will be related to PEACE and GENTLENESS. I went to check on the pregnancy kit. It was positive but not a clear line. Then I told Hubby that I will check again the next day. Perhaps, I drank too much water. The same positive result was displayed. Indeed, I had least expected it.

And 8 months after that, on 6th Dec 2017, we finally met J2. She is God's wonderful and beautiful creation and gift.

Our newest addition in the family

God, our awesome creator, already knows and knead her in my womb, before hubby and I, who are her parents even know of her existence.

God's eyes saw her unformed body and HE even mentioned her gender and even specify what her name will be. Hallelujah! She is indeed fearfully and wonderfully made. I am in awe...

And when I was pushing during my labour, for almost 30 minutes, I was running out of strength and I prayed, "Father God, I need your strength. Helped me pushed." And after that, God just worked and 15 minutes later, I successfully pushed baby out. What a labour!

How amazing! How awesome was that!

Today is the last day of 2017. Looking back, 2017 had been a year of Renewed Hope. Renewed Hope not just having a new addition in our family but Renewed Hope in Hubby's and my spiritual walk with God. 

Following the closure of the miscarriage in end 2016 which was exactly a year ago, I had decided to leave everything to God, just focus on J and put baby planning aside. After all, just before the miscarriage episode, I had just attended the Son-Rise Program® Startup. I have decided I should focus on working on the Home Therapy with J. For baby planning, I had told God I will just leave it to HIS timing. I will not do any baby planning. I put my Ovulation kit aside.

In January 2017, God spoke and HE asked to attend Kingdom Invasion 2017 (KI 2017). I have never attended such conference even though there will be people from my church who will attend each year. It was a 4 days conference. Hubby has to take leave to look after J while I attended. Well, Hubby agreed! (He has to because I said God asked me to attend).

When I was attending KI 2017, I found a calling. God showed me all that has happened over the past 2 years - J's condition, my parenting journey with J, purpose in attending Son-Rise Program Startup, miscarriage, etc. The part when I asked God if I should attend the Son-Rise Program® Startup and he said "Go", I thought it was meant only to help me change my perspective of things, to be empowered and be equipped in helping J, but it was more than that, it was one of the plans that God has. Through KI 2017, God revealed HIS purpose and plans for me. The best part was God had told Hubby HIS plans on another occasion months before but Hubby did not reveal to me and then, God told me during KI 2017 and when we shared with each other, we were amazed. There is a purpose to every of God's plans.

And then, I was convicted to do 1 month of prayer and fasting. It was my first time doing 1 month. During the fasting, more of God's plans were revealed.

And then, I fell pregnant, without expecting it.

And then, Hubby was convicted to go on Sri Lanka mission trip. I remembered few years back before we have any children, I asked him if we should go on a mission trip. He gave me a plain "No way will I go" sort of answer. 

It is amazing how God really works and convicted man's heart.

I remembered in my closure to the miscarriage, I prayed this prayer:
"God, hold my hand, I want to trust you and partner with you, in my journey with J, in my marriage, in my walk with you, in everything I do, everything in 2017. Restore me, restore my health. Thank you God. In Jesus Name, AMEN..."

Indeed, HE never fails us. HE is faithful. HE restores. There is a purpose to all that had happened - To prepare for the future, for HIS glory. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Praise be to God!

Restrictive Behaviour and Play

One day, Hubby and I were talking at the dining table. For a moment, we did not hear anything from J. When we went over to see what he was doing, we saw what you see here below.

These numbers are all nicely sorted out

All the numbers were nicely sorted out by colours and by order.

This is actually a board game called Rummikub®. But to see him play in this manner, we find it amusing because J must have taken great efforts and concentration to get this job done. No wonder we did not hear from him for sometime!

Numbers have been one of his motivation. J is obsessed with lifts. Through lifts, he found numbers. So he loves to put them in order or arrange numbers to lift level. And because of his love for numbers through the obsession of lifts, he learnt counting, number recognition, addition, position, even and odd numbers and recently, we learnt multiplication (groups of 2 to 10) and learning to spell numbers. Amazing, isn't it? All through the motivation of his obsession. Ha!

In the recent Diagnostic Assessment, the report indicates that J requires substantial support in his restrictive and repetitive behaviours. According to the psychologist, he has the following which could somehow impaired him:

• Obsessive attachment to objects
• Preoccupation with a narrow topic of interest
• A strong need for sameness, order and routine
• Hyper-reactive or hypo-reactive to sensory input

When the Diagnosis Report was presented to us, it somehow confirms the differences J has. The sad truth is that society views Autism as a disability. True, people in the Autism Spectrum Disorder have challenges, but this is true of everyone, whether they have a disability or not.

Autism is just a word. It is a label used by medical professionals and schools to categorize people who have a certain cluster of difficulties in specific areas.

We have learnt that a diagnosis does not indicate how a child will eventually turn out. The label does not change who they are. J is fearfully and wonderfully made, by GOD. J's weakness can be his strength too. He is still the same beautiful, amazing, loving child he was before the diagnosis.

The Art of J (Part 1)

Before J was almost 4.5 years old, he was never interested in drawing. He would not even draw a line on a piece of paper. When I passed him a piece of crayon, he would use the crayon to knock on the paper. So the paper ended with lots of dots. Even when I showed him how to draw a line, he would move away from the table and play his "lift" using 4 wooden blocks or his Megablocks or his hard-cover books.

When he reached 4 years old, he would get us to draw "lift" on paper but he still would not be the one holding a crayon to draw.

Until one day in November 2016, almost coming to 4.5 years old, his daddy taught him to draw squares and rectangles as "lift". Then he started to really draw on paper.

Daddy initially taught J how to draw 2 rectangles together.
Later on, J improvised to have the lines on the right.
The lines can be staircase, escalator or up & down buttons.

No! He never draw houses and people and trees or cartoon characters or Superheroes or beautiful skyscrapers, landscapes and buildings but just rectangles, squares and lines.

Drawing of Rectangles

To us, this is a good start. It is something that will help him interpret what is in his mind, at least about lifts.

One of J's earliest drawings
Notice 2 lines at the sides of the lifts?
These are "up" & "down" buttons.

After every drawing of the lifts, he would ask these questions:

1. How many levels are there?
   Answer: (Tell the levels based on his drawing)
2. What is the last level?
   Answer: Sky Garden
3. What is on the door?
   Answer: Advertisement
4. (Repeat Question) What is on the door?
   Answer: Window Pane
   Note: If I still answer "Advertisement", he will ask "Is there Window Pane on the door?"
5. (Pointing to the 1st floor on the drawing) How many buttons are there? (Referring to the buttons outside the lift)
   Answer: 1 button
   Note: If there is a B1, I will have to answer "2 buttons".
6. (Pointing to the last floor on the drawing) How many buttons are there? (Referring to the buttons outside the lift)
   Answer: 1 button

J never fail to ask these questions after each of his drawings. Predictable? Rigidity? Well, this is one of the ASD traits - repeating questions and standard answers. (Till I can even remember).

So long as J saw papers, even rough paper,
he would just take a piece of crayon and draw his "lift".

Recently, J drew "lifts" on his daddy's birthday card. I decided to use sparkling glue to do the outline to enhance the drawing but more so, for J to be exposed that his drawing should not be limited to what he knows now. When I was showing him how to apply the sparkling glue, tracing the outline, he looked so amazed! I could see that amazement in his eyes and he was so excited!

J said we celebrate Daddy's birthday on the 3rd floor.
Hence, the birthday cake on the 3rd floor.

Through this, I guess one of our roles as parents is to just expose our child to different things and let him take his time and lead to be ready to learn new stuff. When he is not ready, there is no way we can force him to take in the new pieces of information but when he is ready, there is no limit to his learning and most importantly, the child never stop to learn and so are we too.

Too Loud!

J has been sensitive to loud sounds that could be sudden or of high pitch. Before August 2016, there were times when I was in the MRT with him and at certain point when the train was in the tunnel, he would frantically scream. No matter how I appeased him, it just does not work.

The turning point came when I attended the course on "Understanding and Accommodating Sensory Needs in Autism" at the Autism Resource Centre. I asked the facilitator why would my child scream in the MRT and he asked me if J would scream throughout the whole train journey or at certain parts of the journey. That was a breakthrough question. J would only scream at certain parts of the journey. That was when I continued my detective work with the clues.

A few days later, we were at Big Box at Jurong East. The shop was playing an instrumental CD that has the violin playing in the background. J was at first in front of me and upon hearing the piece, ran towards me and hide himself. That was when I realised J disliked the high pitch of the violin. And I tried to relate this incident to the MRT.

And true enough, I found out when the screaming would take place - From Outram MRT to Tanjong Pagar MRT. I even hear the screeching part of the tunnel. Whoa! What a major discovery!

With a child on the ASD Spectrum, we are like detectives, searching for clues and making discoveries.

J finds the closing of cable car door too loud.

From then on, I began to understand him better. And I realised how many more loud sounds he could not take - Blender, Toilet Flushing, Washing Machine and I believe as months go by, I would discover more. We have taught him to manage himself by covering his ears or to simply tell us "Too Loud" when he finds anything too loud, to go into the room if I am using the blender and to close the yard door if he finds the washing machine too loud.

J finds the toilet flushing too loud

and he wants to get out of the cubicle.

For a child on the Autism Spectrum Disorder who is sensitive to loud sounds, they may seem overly reacting because for a normal person like us, we are able to manage the sounds. Our body system is able to filter off certain sounds. So there could be times when I might not even hear the sound but to children like J, it could be amplified 100x. Thus, these are actually hurting their ears. And for them to manage themselves, they may choose to scream or sing songs, i.e. using their familiar voices, to cover the sound that cause pain to their ears. These are all part of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

Just yesterday late afternoon, 25th September 2017, I encountered an incident from a lady at the toilet at One Raffles Quay North Tower.

The entrance to the toilet at One Raffles Quay North Tower.

She was in the 2nd cubicle. I was in the 3rd cubicle. The flush was very fast and it was very loud. Thus causing J to have anxiety. He covered his ears and kept saying very loudly, "Too Loud! Too Loud". And then, he started to scream.

The lady was in the 2nd cubicle. I was in the 3rd cubicle.

And a lady from the 2nd cubicle, scolded in very educated English, "Can you shut up?"

My thoughts:
* This is a young child. You can't expect a child to be quiet at all times.
* J already stated very loudly "Too Loud! Too Loud!". It should have occurred to the lady that this child might be facing some challenges, even if she does not understand anything about ASD or SPD.

Anyway, I replied the lady, "My child has sensory issues." And I hope she would bother to go and understand what sensory issues mean.

In conclusion, people are educated but yet, have no compassion to people around them. I do not expect her to understand anything about ASD or SPD but from all the words that J said in the cubicle beside her, surely anybody should be able to sense some challenges a mum is facing with her child and not merely, thinking that the child is creating havoc.

Homemade Toothpaste

Today, I tried my hands in making a homemade toothpaste. Homemade toothpaste is good because it is chemical-free.

The best part of it is that I did this homemade toothpaste together with J.

Verdict of the toothpaste: J loves the toothpaste because of the Orange flavour. It smells so sweet.

Here are the main ingredients:

Main Ingredients for Homemade Toothpaste.
Added Teatree Essential Oil.

 

- 1/3 cup Coconut Oil
- 1 Tbsp Baking Soda
- 1 Tbsp Bentonite Clay
- 1/4 tsp Stevia
- 1/2 tsp Himalayan Rock Salt
- 10 drops Orange Essential Oil
- 5 drops Peppermint Essential Oil
(Can add more but it might be too spicy for J. Hence, I added 5 drops.)
- 2 drops Teatree Essential Oil
(Can add more but J was not used to the smell.)

1. Combine coconut oil, baking soda, and bentonite clay. Mix thoroughly.
2. Add in the remaining ingredients and mix.
3. Store in a jar or put in a squeezable toothpaste.
   

NOTE: 

When mixing bentonite clay, please use a wood or plastic spoon. Bentonite clay should not come in contact with metal because it deactivates the clay.

This toothpaste isn't meant to be stored long-term, so it is recommended to make small batches frequently.