Tackling Preschool Work

2 weeks ago, on 13th April 2018, we were doing a typical Preschool work involving understanding instructions, cutting the picture out and then pasting the picture into the right box.

Cutting & Pasting Work

When I was looking at the work he did, I realised how much time, sweat and tears we had put on just to accomplish this preschool activity.

For the past 2 years, J has been cutting, pasting, folding and colouring using the 4 Kumon activity books while most of his neurotypical peers were busy recognising words, writing and reading.

Compared to his neurotypical peers, he seemed lagging behind, still doing these stuff, and he is turning 6 soon. But when I looked at how he was able to handle his scissors and glue so much better, I took delight because he is improving. He is still moving on. And most importantly, we never give up!

J can handle his scissors so much better.

This is a little achievement but worth celebrating.

Building with Recycled Items

One Saturday morning, on 10th February 2018, Daddy did an incredulous project with J - Building an apartment using recycled materials such as boxes, containers, ice cream sticks, etc. Of course, this project includes his one main motivation - Lifts.

Daddy guided J in the planning, sourcing of items,
pasting and building

As I was looking at the teamwork between Daddy and J, I witnessed how J participated in this project, I realized that we have come a long, long way. I am so thankful!

He is now willing to participate and accept new ideas, being a team player, J asking for help, interactions between the 2 of them and seeing J being flexible at his best. And he was able to work on his fine motor skills from the cutting of papers, pulling the masking tape and pasting with masking tape. I also see his creative juices running. I literally can see his brain juice churning inside him. This activity helped him to be flexible, to be creative and to think things out of the box.

The Final Structure

But, all these didn't come overnight. It wasn't a natural instinct for J. If we were to do this 1 or 2 years ago, it might have been very challenging. I could remember how hard it was to ask J to say "Help" if he needs help instead of screaming or crying at where he was at. I could remember just 6 months ago, he could not even hold his scissors properly. Just 2 years ago, he would not even build upwards. Just 2.5 years ago, he would not play beyond his 4 train set blocks and 4 big red megablocks. Looking at his interactions with Daddy while building the structure, it involved a number of spontaneous speeches. He was able to say and describe which area he would like to put the parts. Just 2.5 years ago, he was still into 3 words maximum only and echolelia, tjen slowly moved into sentences, 1-loop conversation in 2016, then moved on to 2-loops conversation. His spontaneous speech started only exactly 1 year ago in March 2017. We have indeed come so far!

J happily playing his works

I thank God for the home-based program that we are in. He has improve tremendously. Even though he still need facilitation in peer-to-peer group work, I hope one day, he will be able to work with his peers and while working with them, they would interact together, laugh together and complete the project together.

For now, we celebrate these little achievements!

Building with Lego

J finally started playing with Lego. He has been playing his Duplo (Medium Sized Lego Blocks) for the past 4 years. It has been hard for him to handle Lego because the size is just too small for his hands. He could not "feel" those little blocks with his fingers. Hence, he don't really play them.

He built this structure himself,

with a little help from Daddy.

The amazing thing is he is now willing to build with these small little pieces. Even though he still has some difficulty in putting the little pieces together and pulling these little pieces out. To me, this is an achievement! As compared to the initial years when he did not even want to touch Duplo to just wanting to build with Duplo and now building with Lego. It is indeed an achievement.

J still has some difficulty handling the little pieces.

Taken on 19th Nov 2017. 

Having a Special Needs child, we celebrate every little achievements.

A building with lift.

Lego promotes fine motor skills, creativity, problem solving skills, etc. Fine motor skills helps in writing, which he is still working on. Hopefully, one day, he could also be interested to assemble Lego from instructions, which helps in focus and attention to details.

My Parental Role

On 21 Feb 2018, J can finally manuveur himself all the way to the top, using his back to push himself up at the pole behind to reach the top.

J finally reach the top

I remembered for months, he has been trying to go beyond the highest black pad, to pull himself up the 2 ropes but he could not and he has been asking me to help. As I was pregnant last year, I couldnt climb up to show him how it is done. I just guided him using words and encourage him. And finally, after months of trying & practising the rope, he figure it all out by himself.

Just 3 weeks ago, we were doing some cutting exercises using Kumon activity book, J was able to hold the scissors well.

Loves his seriousness

When he was about to reach the finishing point, he could slow down and stop at where he want to stop.

J can now hold his scissors very well

In the past, he would cut over the finishing point. He has been attempting the different cutting activities for past 2 years and finally, he mastered his cutting skill.

An important lesson here to remind myself always: Let him learn at his own pace.

My job as a parent is not to help him but encourage him and guide him. He can't accomplish a skill today does not equate skills not accomplished in the future. The day he can't accomplish a skill will not go to waste because he is practising that skill. Initially, my heart would cringe because the rope seems too high & because I was pregnant, how am I to climb up and help him?

But, Practise makes perfect. So long as he keeps trying, keeps persevering and not give up, he will get there someday. And one of my role is to help and encourage him to keep trying, to keep persevering and not to give up.

Coping with SN & NB

Today is Week 8 for my newborn, which means it has been 2 months since my delivery in December 2017. Looking at these 2 months, from the first day we brought my newborn home to the current day, it was filled with lots of trying moments. It was challenging to have a child in the Autism Spectrum and a newborn at the same time because both needs attention. I do felt torn apart sometimes.

A newborn brings in lots of changes - There is one new human being in the family. Routines go haywire, emotions go up and down, time go upside down, attention has to be divided between the older child and the baby.

To an only child for past 5 years, focus will not be just on J alone.

To a child in the Autism Spectrum, who loves routines and is rigid, the many changes brings in tons of anxieties because there are lots of unpredictables. Changes that are subtle to a neuro-typical person could mean a 180 degrees change to a person in the Autism Spectrum. It looks as if the whole world has turned upside down. As J is still learning to regulate his emotions, these emotions are real to him. They could be too big for him to manage and bear. J is excited with the new addition in the family. In fact, he was very, very excited but he could not regulate his emotions. The excitement was too much to bear.

Before the delivery of the newborn, we did pre-empting by creating a social story of what is to come and expect. The Social Story even contains pictures of J himself. Yes! He loves this social story because it is very personalized. But, it could not cover all areas.

Social Story for pre-empting what is to

come and expect

When I first came back from the hospital. I had to lock my bedroom door because J was so excited in seeing the newborn. He would hug, kiss and touch her very hard. He would open my bedroom door very loud that it startled the newborn. He would scream at her. He would talk very loud but we let him be because I know it is easier to let the newborn adapt to loud sounds than to keep persuading J to talk softly. True enough, my newborn can sleep in a very noisy environment. Unexpectedly, we are training the newborn to be resilient. During the initial period, we could not put both siblings together but we gradually try to include the newborn's presence, with our supervision, during play and during praise and worship time together. And now, J sometimes is able to embrace his baby sister.

The siblings can now be in each other's presence

These 2 months have been a period of adjustment. I often find myself having difficulty to go back to the pre-delivery routine. There were days I would find myself unable to accomplish my schedule with J. I would feel guilty. Then one day, my friend sent me an article: The Baby IS the Lesson. After reading the article, my perspective changed. Since baby is the lesson, I can let baby be one of the social lesson for J. I began to identify some of the activities, e.g. poem reading, story book, Praise & Worship time, songs, etc that both siblings can do together. This is also to help J learn to share space with another peer, i.e. his baby sister.

At times, J still head pressed very hard on the baby's head or he might hug and squeeze her hard because of his perioceptive dysfunction. Coping with a Special Needs child and a newborn definitely takes much perseverance and many practices. There are also the many sensory issues that we have to work on too. But I believe, it will get better one day. My hope is that the siblings will one day, have very good partnership and they will love and protect each other.

God is Faithful!

Praise be to God...

"For you created her inmost being;
You knit her together in my womb.
I praise you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Her frame was not hidden from you
when she was made in the secret place,
when she was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw her unformed body; 
all the days ordained for her were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to us are your thoughts, God!"
- Psalm 139:13-17

Praise the Lord! These verses truly speaks of a beautiful and wonderful creation. These verses have been dancing and singing right in my eyes and heart since we know of her existence in my 2nd month of pregnancy.

2 weeks before Good Friday 2017, as I came out of the toilet, Hubby mentioned that the Lord put in his heart that I will be pregnant and we would least expect it. We did not quite understood what that meant and we put that aside.

Then on 15th Apr 2017, 1 day after Good Friday, after our usual morning Family Devotion, I went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. As I appeared at the kitchen entrance, Hubby suddenly mentioned that he felt the Holy Spirit convicted him that I am pregnant. It will be a girl and her name will be related to PEACE and GENTLENESS. I went to check on the pregnancy kit. It was positive but not a clear line. Then I told Hubby that I will check again the next day. Perhaps, I drank too much water. The same positive result was displayed. Indeed, I had least expected it.

And 8 months after that, on 6th Dec 2017, we finally met J2. She is God's wonderful and beautiful creation and gift.

Our newest addition in the family

God, our awesome creator, already knows and knead her in my womb, before hubby and I, who are her parents even know of her existence.

God's eyes saw her unformed body and HE even mentioned her gender and even specify what her name will be. Hallelujah! She is indeed fearfully and wonderfully made. I am in awe...

And when I was pushing during my labour, for almost 30 minutes, I was running out of strength and I prayed, "Father God, I need your strength. Helped me pushed." And after that, God just worked and 15 minutes later, I successfully pushed baby out. What a labour!

How amazing! How awesome was that!

Today is the last day of 2017. Looking back, 2017 had been a year of Renewed Hope. Renewed Hope not just having a new addition in our family but Renewed Hope in Hubby's and my spiritual walk with God. 

Following the closure of the miscarriage in end 2016 which was exactly a year ago, I had decided to leave everything to God, just focus on J and put baby planning aside. After all, just before the miscarriage episode, I had just attended the Son-Rise Program® Startup. I have decided I should focus on working on the Home Therapy with J. For baby planning, I had told God I will just leave it to HIS timing. I will not do any baby planning. I put my Ovulation kit aside.

In January 2017, God spoke and HE asked to attend Kingdom Invasion 2017 (KI 2017). I have never attended such conference even though there will be people from my church who will attend each year. It was a 4 days conference. Hubby has to take leave to look after J while I attended. Well, Hubby agreed! (He has to because I said God asked me to attend).

When I was attending KI 2017, I found a calling. God showed me all that has happened over the past 2 years - J's condition, my parenting journey with J, purpose in attending Son-Rise Program Startup, miscarriage, etc. The part when I asked God if I should attend the Son-Rise Program® Startup and he said "Go", I thought it was meant only to help me change my perspective of things, to be empowered and be equipped in helping J, but it was more than that, it was one of the plans that God has. Through KI 2017, God revealed HIS purpose and plans for me. The best part was God had told Hubby HIS plans on another occasion months before but Hubby did not reveal to me and then, God told me during KI 2017 and when we shared with each other, we were amazed. There is a purpose to every of God's plans.

And then, I was convicted to do 1 month of prayer and fasting. It was my first time doing 1 month. During the fasting, more of God's plans were revealed.

And then, I fell pregnant, without expecting it.

And then, Hubby was convicted to go on Sri Lanka mission trip. I remembered few years back before we have any children, I asked him if we should go on a mission trip. He gave me a plain "No way will I go" sort of answer. 

It is amazing how God really works and convicted man's heart.

I remembered in my closure to the miscarriage, I prayed this prayer:
"God, hold my hand, I want to trust you and partner with you, in my journey with J, in my marriage, in my walk with you, in everything I do, everything in 2017. Restore me, restore my health. Thank you God. In Jesus Name, AMEN..."

Indeed, HE never fails us. HE is faithful. HE restores. There is a purpose to all that had happened - To prepare for the future, for HIS glory. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Praise be to God!

Restrictive Behaviour and Play

One day, Hubby and I were talking at the dining table. For a moment, we did not hear anything from J. When we went over to see what he was doing, we saw what you see here below.

These numbers are all nicely sorted out

All the numbers were nicely sorted out by colours and by order.

This is actually a board game called Rummikub®. But to see him play in this manner, we find it amusing because J must have taken great efforts and concentration to get this job done. No wonder we did not hear from him for sometime!

Numbers have been one of his motivation. J is obsessed with lifts. Through lifts, he found numbers. So he loves to put them in order or arrange numbers to lift level. And because of his love for numbers through the obsession of lifts, he learnt counting, number recognition, addition, position, even and odd numbers and recently, we learnt multiplication (groups of 2 to 10) and learning to spell numbers. Amazing, isn't it? All through the motivation of his obsession. Ha!

In the recent Diagnostic Assessment, the report indicates that J requires substantial support in his restrictive and repetitive behaviours. According to the psychologist, he has the following which could somehow impaired him:

• Obsessive attachment to objects
• Preoccupation with a narrow topic of interest
• A strong need for sameness, order and routine
• Hyper-reactive or hypo-reactive to sensory input

When the Diagnosis Report was presented to us, it somehow confirms the differences J has. The sad truth is that society views Autism as a disability. True, people in the Autism Spectrum Disorder have challenges, but this is true of everyone, whether they have a disability or not.

Autism is just a word. It is a label used by medical professionals and schools to categorize people who have a certain cluster of difficulties in specific areas.

We have learnt that a diagnosis does not indicate how a child will eventually turn out. The label does not change who they are. J is fearfully and wonderfully made, by GOD. J's weakness can be his strength too. He is still the same beautiful, amazing, loving child he was before the diagnosis.