One of Those Days

This afternoon, while I was preparing lunch in the kitchen, J came to me, with a sad face. He pulled my hand. I was washing the rice, half-way. I asked him what I can do for him. He ran out of the kitchen, crying. I immediately stopped what I was doing. And went to him.

I had him sat on my lap so that I could hug him. He was still crying. As I was hugging him, I told him, "I am here. Let me know when you are better."

He cried for a good 20 minutes. Then he said, "I am better."

I still continued to hug him. After 10 minutes have passed. I asked him if he was ready to tell me why he was upset. When he heard this, he continued to cry, for another 15 minutes.

Meltdown

Then he said, "I am better."

I decided not to probe further. I continued hugging him until he smiled at me.

I prepared my lunch. Both of us have our lunch. Then 1 hour later, I asked him why he was upset and cried just now. He said he was upset because he slept on the bed. But i saw him laid on the floor.

In fact, I knew I will not be able to get an answer from him because this requires lots of brain processing power and expressive language, which is still his weakness. But at least he still can label his emotions - whether he is happy, sad or angry.

This is one of those days when J would have meltdowns and we never get to know why. On some days we do know why, if it is a change in some routines or sensory issues beforehand. However, if the meltdown is related to him thinking back some past events that made him sad. That will require detective work.

Through the many years of meltdowns I have experienced with him, I have learnt that the most effective way is when a meltdown occurs, not to keep asking why or even mentioned how much I understand how he felt because that triggers more crying and hence, would prolong the length of meltdowns. But rather, give him a tight hug. Let him know I am here and let me know when he is better. Any post-mortem is to only be done, perhaps few minutes or an hour or two hours after he mentioned that he is better. Sometimes, it might just trigger that sadness and cry again.

Of course, each child is different. Just do what works best for the child but the gist of it is to only ask what happened when he is in a good mood.

I felt, in this way, we respect the child and most importantly, gives the child the time to manage his overwhelming emotions. Even if the child, just like J, is unable to express what causes his emotions, just be there for him and give him a shoulder to cry on and lent him a listening ear.

Lastly, and most importantly, pray with the child. Put his emotions and burdens onto the feet of Jesus. No problem is too big that God cannot solve.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. - Ephesians 3:20 (NLT)